Self-Condemning (To Be Honest)

“I complained I had no shoes, until I met a man who has no feet”Turkish proverb

For some people who know me well may acknowledge that I complain so much about (assumed as) rich people lately, well at least for the last 2 years. Although I’ve tried not to be too judgmental and to care less about them, but these kind of people always gets on my nerves. People who talk much about the latest gadget(s) they own on twitter, people who buy iPhone or Macbook just because it is Apple, it is expensive, and they will considered as ‘cool’ using those without even really know what their functions are and whether they really need it or not. People who talks about eating sushi at Sushi Tei, drinking coffee at Starbucks, or having Sour Sally as their dessert, just because those things are so vogue, not because they really like it. People who bluff so much about where they go shopping their clothes and overrate the latest fashion trends without acknowledging if  those really fit them. Boys and girls who become Blackberry users just because everybody does, those who exaggerate its BBM considered practicalities, yet complain often about its lack of signals and how they failed supporting their communications with their partners. Even some of my friends who spend (too) much of their parents money and keep complaining about how inconvenient this life is, or how unfair and complicated their love life is. Well, I guess you all get what I mean, those kind of people.

Well sometimes I dislike rich people for no specific reason. At least, that was what I thought.

I’m not rich, my family is not a rich one. We’re just in the middle.

Since a long time ago I’ve always think that I am this lucky girl for having such a great family, great friends, great grades, great life-lessons to learn; generally speaking, a great life. But there was this time when life, my life, felt a lot easier than nowadays. Time when I got this latest gadget that not every kid in the school had, time when I used to go everywhere with a personal car for me and my sisters with a chauffeur drove in it. We have television and air conditioner in every room at our house. Time when my dad didn’t have to wait or think too much to buy me a laptop (unlike what he had to do nowadays, for buying my sister one), when I could buy almost everything I wanted and all I had to do is ask for money from my dad and I didn’t have to be worried about it. Time when I didn’t have to work my ass so hard just to save more money to buy a digital SLR.

And there was this time, namely few months ago back in 2009, when I got really angry with situations around. I got really pissed off with my dad, just because I couldn’t  have what others could, just because my dad told us (me and my sisters) that he will have his retirement soon in a year or two, so that he couldn’t afford our daily spends like he used to be and that we have to learn to think million times before we decide to buy things. And there, the situation went so wrong for me that time, everything changed and I have to earn more for what I want.

It’s not like that I was spoiled back then before this, but changes indeed change how I see life, how I see people, how I see the world, no matter how small. And this was where I realized why I complain so much about rich people. It is simply because I couldn’t be like them while I wanted to. In Bahasa we would call it as ‘sirik’, moreover there was this phrase say that ‘sirik tanda tak mampu’,  meaning more or less, “it is because you couldn’t afford to be like them, you started to hate them”. I became so angry for I realized that I won’t be getting any chance those people could get in so many ways (at that time I was thinking specifically more about my education path).

Shallow? Yes. I admit it.

But after months passed, I learned a lot. I learned to think before I buy, I learned to decide whether I really need this thing or it is merely wants that would go within days,  I learned how to cope with things, I learned that maybe I just have to work harder than I did, I learned that this is part of our development as human beings, I learned to see the world in a different perspective, I learned that this is a part of life it self, and most notably, I learned that apparently, I still need to learn a lot.

Moreover, I feel grateful with all of this. For with this things going on, I learned that I live the life. Like what I’ve said before, I see the world in a different perspective. I see the reality, the part that I would never acknowledge if I haven’t gone through this. I see how people struggle for their dreams every single morning. How every mother and every dad works so hard every day and night to feed their children. I see how those children sing the songs they don’t even understand just to get to buy foods (or maybe some glue cans to sniff), I see those faces, I hear those voices. In any kind of  public transportation, in almost every corner of this great city. I see that Jakarta, along with its business and arrogance is also a wrecked, old lady moaning for its citizens to see the other part of her. This is something that I haven’t noticed for so long, or at least never been this way before.

This  is exactly the time when I suddenly feel very rich for everything God gave me.

And no, it’s not about the money we talk about. It is more than what it seems. Suddenly all of those Blackberry, iPhone, Sushi Tei, and other superficial things don’t bother me anymore. For eventually, I understand, I couldn’t ask for more. I got everything that I need.

– D! –

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Some of you guys who read this writing might realize that there some similarities with  blog posts written by Puty (you can read more of her beautiful writings by clicking here).

I found it surprising at first, since the one who noted it was one of my friend, Ramda Yanurzha. I got puzzled about how did this might happened.

But then I realized that I might have done something wrong (although it might have been unintentionally). Puty wrote the blog post before I did. I just didn’t know/notice that this ‘Puty’ is the one that happens to be a friend of Ramda, Disa, and Vidi friend (which they are happen to be my friends), so I thought maybe I had been jumped into her blog by random blog-walking before I wrote this, without could realize or remember it. And I got inspired by her post and I used some of her brilliant words and put it in my post to tell my story, it was more like I felt the same way as she might did and then I connected it with my story.

I’ve been feeling so puzzled and I knew that there’s something wrong with this. Then I just realized that’s the only way it could explain the similarities. The wrong part is, I forgot to put citation of her name. I used some of her words to tell my story but then I didn’t put her name on my post. I could have been accused for plagiarism without even realizing that I did it.

And yes, I might have been inspired by Puty’s words and stories. I didn’t put her name, and yes I feel bad about it. Very bad (very bad as in I couldn’t sleep for 2 nights, thinking what might have been wrong and what had happened).

So here I am, it was indeed my bad.

And I am really sorry for it.


You guys should check out her blog, she’s great :)

One comment

  1. Kimi

    De, I understand how that feels. Karena sometimes I am in that position. Tapi, semakin kesini gue udah gak peduli lagi dengan hal-hal seperti itu. Buat apa? Kalau mau punya barang seperti yang mereka punya, ya cari duit sendiri terus beli. Just as simple as that. Tapi, gue tahu emang ga mudah cari duit. Hehehe…

    Bokap gue juga beberapa tahun lagi pensiun. Apa yang gue dapat dari beliau sekarang (materi, tentu saja) mungkin tidak akan lancar lagi ketika beliau nanti pensiun. Untuk itu, gue udah siap-siap dari sekarang. Gue berusaha buat cari duit sendiri. Alhamdulillah, hasilnya sudah ada. Baru sedikit memang, tapi gue yakin gue pasti bisa dapet lebih dari yang sekarang gue terima.

    Anyway, semangat terus ya, De! Sukses buat lo. :)

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